Finding Out the Impossible was Possible

My journey to motherhood wasn’t a smooth sailing. My husband and I had been trying to conceive for almost three years. Each month brought disappointment and heartache, and eventually, we were told by specialists that our chances were slim to none. I vividly remember one doctor gently suggesting that we consider adoption, a suggestion that felt like a final nail in the coffin of our hopes. It wasn’t an easy pill to swallow. As time went on, I started to make peace with the idea that perhaps motherhood wasn’t in the cards for me.

Adding to this, I was already a bonus mom to two wonderful children from my husband’s previous marriage. These kids became a piece of me when we married, but they were already grown and living independently as adults. To my husband, he already had kids, and I was ready to be happy knowing we had tried and to be grateful for my role as a bonus mom.

Embracing Matrescence: My Journey to Motherhood at 40

Then, one ordinary day, everything changed.

I took a pregnancy test, not expecting much, but hoping for a miracle. When the result showed positive, I felt a pit in my stomach. I was so scared that I literally threw the test under the bathroom sink and tried to go about my day, occasionally checking it to make sure I wasn’t delusional. Still in denial, I went to get a proper test done. I remember the nurse’s initial excitement turning into cautious concern as she saw my reaction. My heart was racing, I felt lightheaded, and I had to sit down. I was in complete shock, and for a few hours, all I could think was, “Oh shit, what did I just do?”

The Overwhelm and Anxiety of an Unexpected Miracle

The next wave of panic hit me hard. Is my husband going to be happy? He had probably moved on from the idea of us having kids. What if he’s not happy? And what about my business? It was finally starting to take off. How would I manage everything? The doubts kept coming: I don’t know anything about raising a baby. Am I going to be a good mom? What if I repeat the mistakes my family made with parenting?

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These thoughts consumed me, and I wish I had known then what I know now: all those fears and anxieties were normal. There’s even a term for it—“Matrescence.” Just like adolescence, matrescence is the transition into motherhood, and it’s a massive shift that modern society doesn’t talk about nearly enough.

Matrescence: The Unspoken Journey

Matrescence is the process of becoming a mother. It’s a transformation that affects your body, mind, and spirit. But society often overlooks this critical phase. We’re celebrated for our achievements before motherhood—our careers, our ambitions, our physical appearance. But once we become mothers, there’s a glaring lack of support. It’s almost like we’re expected to revert to our pre-motherhood selves as soon as possible.

I felt this pressure acutely. I was bombarded with messages to get my pre-baby body back, to dive back into work with the same intensity, and to maintain all my pre-motherhood relationships. But the truth is, I wasn’t the same person anymore. And that’s okay.

Navigating the Emotional Rollercoaster

The emotional rollercoaster of those early months was intense. Some days I was ecstatic, other days I was overwhelmed with doubt and fear. It took time for me to realize that these feelings were part of the journey. Matrescence isn’t just about the physical changes; it’s about the emotional and psychological evolution too.

I had to learn to be gentle with myself, to acknowledge that it was okay to feel conflicted, and to understand that I was undergoing a profound transformation. I leaned on prenatal yoga and mindfulness practices to find some grounding amidst the chaos. Yoga helped me connect with my changing body, while mindfulness helped me navigate the whirlwind of emotions.

Modern Society’s Oversight

Unfortunately, modern society doesn’t prioritize motherhood in the way it should. We’re often left feeling like we’re either suffering from prenatal or postnatal depression, or we’re bad moms. The support systems that should be in place are often lacking, leaving many of us feeling isolated and inadequate.

We need to change this narrative. Society must start valuing the woman we become through matrescence, not just the woman we were before. Motherhood is an incredible, transformative journey, and it deserves recognition and support. We should be celebrated for our strength, resilience, and the love we pour into our children.

Finding Balance and Embracing the New You

As I navigated through my own matrescence, I found balance by setting realistic expectations for myself. I embraced the changes, both in my body and my life. I allowed myself to grieve the loss of my pre-motherhood self while celebrating the new me. This wasn’t an easy process, and it took time.

I also realized the importance of community. Connecting with other moms who understood what I was going through was invaluable. We shared our fears, our joys, and our tips for coping. This support network became a lifeline, reminding me that I wasn’t alone.

Tips for Embracing Matrescence

Here are a few tips that helped me and might help you too:

Prenatal Yoga and Meditation:
- Incorporate gentle yoga poses to connect with your body and calm your mind. Poses like Cat-Cow stretches, Child's Pose, and Butterfly Pose are great for this.
- Practice daily meditation to focus on your breath and the present moment. Visualization techniques can help you connect with your baby and reduce anxiety.
Positive Affirmations:
- Create a list of positive affirmations and repeat them daily. Phrases like “I am strong and capable,” “I embrace this journey with love,” and “I am becoming the best version of myself” can be powerful.
Self-Care Routine:
- Set aside time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s reading, taking a warm bath, or going for a walk, prioritize your well-being.
Community Support:
- Join prenatal yoga classes or support groups for expectant mothers. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can provide immense emotional support.
Professional Help:
- Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you’re struggling. Therapists, counselors, and wellness coaches can provide valuable support and guidance.

Conclusion

Motherhood is a journey that changes us in profound ways. Embracing matrescence means acknowledging and celebrating these changes. It’s about understanding that it’s okay to feel a wide range of emotions and that seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. Let’s shift the narrative and start valuing the incredible transformation that is motherhood. You are not alone, and together, we can navigate this beautiful journey with grace, strength, and love.

Anacani Walters

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